If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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