the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
