Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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