Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
