Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
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