so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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