I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
