Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
