Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
His nipple licking is glorious
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