Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize