Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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