there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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