woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
