We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
