I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
