his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
