Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
