No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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