So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
