I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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