Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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