Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
