i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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