Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
