I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
