You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
