I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
ugly people sure do ruin things
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
