just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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