A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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