Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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