Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So much rum. So many feels.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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