This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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