He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
