Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
