dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
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Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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