wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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