so that wasnt chicken after all
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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