why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
