remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
