saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
