Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
