If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
