I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
