I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
