Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
