Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
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Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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