Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
