I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
