I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
