The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
