Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
