I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
