you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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