I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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