Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
