my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
