Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
